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Play online via Roll20.net. You may not find a great DM right away, but you'll increase your odds.

Not all friends have to also be gaming buddies; some people just make poor gamers, despite their otherwise good character. I know how you feel about it being really hard to find local games, but seriously, if push comes to shove, no gaming is better than bad gaming.

Ideally though, you might work out a satisfying solution, even if it means someone else taking up the DM's chair. What makes your friend a bad player, btw?

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Wow... The first thing is that no gaming is better than bad gaming, but this may not be a complete lost cause.
Did you enjoy DMing when you did it? If so, maybe you can ask her if you can switch side of the table for a bit. Ask her if she would like to be a player rather than a DM for a while. Start from that direction then offer to DM.
If you have big issues you need to approach it out of game, with a mature two way conversation. Don't be adversarial. Maybe say you were ready about encounter building and weren't sure about something and you'd like her to show you how she built the last encounter. It's a set up, right. You got to have the references though. I'd bet she's justs guessing when putting something together and follows no guidelines at all. Maybe you showing her would open her eyes a little, but you just need to approach from a different angle.
As far as the world building, stealing from TV, movies, and books is a tried and true method. If you didn't like something tell her. But always tell her something you like at the same tell. "I really liked that reference to X, but I didn't think it worked at all with Y."
And on the role playing. Go the same route. "The was an interesting NPC, but it would have been some much better/cooler if..."

If none of this works you can always start your own game as a DM. You could even ask the other players if they'd prefer to play in your game. The key is to be polite, mature and relatively straight forward.

TjD

Durriken wrote:

If none of this works you can always start your own game as a DM.  You could even ask the other players if they'd prefer to play in your game.  The key is to be polite, mature and relatively straight forward.

I'm going to go ahead and second Durriken's wise words.

It's hard to tell what's going on from this end of the internet, and difficult to give suggestions. When a player spends game day fiddling with her iToy, it might be a sign of boredom, or it might simply be that nobody ever told her that doing so is rude. (Her parents have probably told her so, but parental advice is widely regarded as faulty at best, until one's early thirties. )

When a DM reacts badly to player input, it might be because she has a diva complex, or it might be because the request/suggestion/advice was presented poorly. Not saying that this is the case here, but gamer guys can get very patronizing when interacting with gamer girls; and since most people have difficulty calling this kind of behavior out, the recipient of said patronizing behavior often reacts by getting defensive.

So if I was hardihood1, I might ask my friend these questions, if I haven't already: Do you like DMing or playing more? Was my campaign fun when you were a player? What do you like about DMing? Depending on her answers, I might get into things like iToy rudeness and encounter-building guidelines.

Or I might just go play with another group; Pathfinder isn't my favorite rpg, but playing a mediocre rpg with a great group is better than playing 4e with a bad group. Speaking of which, what's the rest of the group like? How do they feel about your current DM?

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when i read my comments back i don't mean to sound like a jerk. but i do. i guess maybe im at a more advanced level of play and should try to help out new players and guide them if they need help. and not complain. i remember their was a time i was a noob of 4E.

thanks for all the great advise but iv removed this topic.